Haha, we share the same philosophy to life.
Actually, what you described in partial jest is quite helpful in knowing what you're looking for. The visual effects you describe will have more to do with the screen itself than the hardware pushing the image.
Look for a screen that has a glass panel rather than the 'plastic' feel that is very common. High contrast rate and a bright LED back light will better produce the results you're looking for. I'm not a Dell fanboy, but I do think they supply very bright, crisp panels. I'm sure there's others, but the Dell ones stick in my memory.
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