Humor - Top rejected Xara X improvements

[dalel]

- Ability to export slices into Excel cells

- Porn Tool for making any image off-color (excuse the pun)

- The Color-Blind Gallery

- Move object to the back of the front object, if the front object is behind another object or layer

- Alt+Ctrl+Shift+A+Z+Esc causes all Options to set to invalid values.

- R+L+R+R+R+Up makes her explode (Oh,wait, that's a Lara feature!)

- Repeat Last Multiple Undo button

- The Randomizer Tool, to randomly change colors, bevels, transparency, shadows, feathering, layers, positions, and a host of other attributes. What fun!

- Games menu, with built-in Pong, Asteroids, and Space Invaders

- Full compatiblity with Microsoft Paint

- "Format C:" button, for easy formatting of your hard drive

- Built in "Copyright Xara Ltd." that prints onto every image that is exported

- Plugins to create complete images, so the artist doesn't have to waste time using outmoded skills

- "Check Email" function

- Smileys Toolbar &nbsp [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif[/img] Handy!

- Merging with AOL to create XAOL

- HTML Help files (My pet peeve. Please don't do it Xara! This isn't funny.) [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_frown.gif[/img]

- Set Random Attribute option

- Change the name to Xara Ultra

- New "fun" interface with 100's of skins, such as: Rap Xara, Avian Xara (Maya!), Grunge Xara, Techno Xara, Comic Xara, Cubist Xara.... Cute little icons for each skin, like little sparrows and jay and gulls for the Avian Skin.
Feathering slider is real feather! Cool!

- Change bearded DaVinci-looking character on splash screen to hot babe or hunky dude

- Hand Tool able to make rude gestures

That's all I can think of for now. Come on, you armchair comedians, let rock! [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif[/img]

Dale

Why, I’m afraid I can’t explain myself, sir, because I’m not myself, you know...
- Lewis Carroll

[dalel]

- Ability to export slices into Excel cells

- Porn Tool for making any image off-color (excuse the pun)

- The Color-Blind Gallery

- Move object to the back of the front object, if the front object is behind another object or layer

- Alt+Ctrl+Shift+A+Z+Esc causes all Options to set to invalid values.

- R+L+R+R+R+Up makes her explode (Oh,wait, that's a Lara feature!)

- Repeat Last Multiple Undo button

- The Randomizer Tool, to randomly change colors, bevels, transparency, shadows, feathering, layers, positions, and a host of other attributes. What fun!

- Games menu, with built-in Pong, Asteroids, and Space Invaders

- Full compatiblity with Microsoft Paint

- "Format C:" button, for easy formatting of your hard drive

- Built in "Copyright Xara Ltd." that prints onto every image that is exported

- Plugins to create complete images, so the artist doesn't have to waste time using outmoded skills

- "Check Email" function

- Smileys Toolbar &nbsp [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_smile.gif[/img] Handy!

- Merging with AOL to create XAOL

- HTML Help files (My pet peeve. Please don't do it Xara! This isn't funny.) [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_frown.gif[/img]

- Set Random Attribute option

- Change the name to Xara Ultra

- New "fun" interface with 100's of skins, such as: Rap Xara, Avian Xara (Maya!), Grunge Xara, Techno Xara, Comic Xara, Cubist Xara.... Cute little icons for each skin, like little sparrows and jay and gulls for the Avian Skin.
Feathering slider is real feather! Cool!

- Change bearded DaVinci-looking character on splash screen to hot babe or hunky dude

- Hand Tool able to make rude gestures

That's all I can think of for now. Come on, you armchair comedians, let rock! [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif[/img]

Dale

Why, I’m afraid I can’t explain myself, sir, because I’m not myself, you know...
- Lewis Carroll

[gwpriester]

That is clear [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_rolleyes.gif[/img]

Gary

Gary Priester

Moderator Person

<a href="http://www.gwpriester.com">
www.gwpriester.com </a>


XaraXone

[gidgit]

haha, this is too funny, though a couple of these features would be rather cool, but I ain't saying which ones ROTFLMAO [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif[/img]

[dalel]

I'm just not doing it today!

I needed a comedy break! [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif[/img]

I guess I should spend my holiday time working on that Xara X portrait I've been wanting to do.

Come on , Gidge, you can tell us which goofy features you like.

I like the Randomizer, and the Hand Tool gestures.

You can blame Risto for this list. His screaming button suggestion set me off. (Voices, I hear voices!)

Dale

Why, I’m afraid I can’t explain myself, sir, because I’m not myself, you know...
- Lewis Carroll

[Crow Haven]

I just gotta have this item:

- New "fun" interface with 100's of skins, such as: Avian Xara (Maya!).... Cute little icons for each skin, like little sparrows and jay and gulls for the Avian Skin.
Feathering slider is real feather! Cool! [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif[/img] [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif[/img] [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif[/img]

The screaming button would be useful, especially if preceeded by warning remarks from XaraX when you exceed its limits like, "Oh oh!! Not again!! Then a quick prompt to hit the scream button to thwart the dreaded Xara crash.

---As The Crow Flies!---
Maya [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_wink.gif[/img]

[This message was edited by Crow Haven on May 27, 2002 at 16:51.]

[RTK]

... but how about...

... a nagging wife sound clip that kicks in after 3:23 AM - for those times she is out of town...

... a pop-up that says says: "You are a sick, sick man" after you adjust/change the same linear fill more than 39 times.

... after you draw more than 9 viking illustrations it unistalls itself [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif[/img]

... one of those Microsoft type Paper-clip thingies that pop-up (when you do not need it)with useless advice like: "To save your document - go to "save" and chose "save" to save your document."

... after 5:03 AM the left/right mouse button functions are reversed.

Risto

risto@ristoklint.com

Visit my web site!

[dalel]

Maya, you will be the first one to get the new avian skin. Don't mind the vultures and buzzards. We couldn't use just "good" birds.

I like the screaming button to forestall the impending crash. (or at least cry in anguish about it)

Risto, you are too funny!

I like the clippy helper thingie:

Hello, I'm Xippy. I see you have started a new drawing. What would you like to do?
1) Draw a square
2) Draw a circle
3) Import an image
4) Use the Pen tool
5) Use the Freeform tool
6) Draw without your skinny ass on my desktop

Here's another one inspired by Microsoft:

- Autocomplete - This feature tries to figure out what you were going to do, and does it for you! You put one object over another and select both, and Xara does a Random action such as Combine Shapes/Intersect Shapes, automatically! That wasn't what you wanted to do? No problem! Just Undo and try it again!

Dale

Why, I’m afraid I can’t explain myself, sir, because I’m not myself, you know...
- Lewis Carroll

[Crow Haven]

No problem with the vultures and buzzards they can be put to good use next to the "Autocomplete" and "Randomizer" buttons [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif[/img] ...and then there's the top secret "Bowl Brush" button---multipurpose tool, especially handy after once again venturing into the dangerous territory of the Brush editor/gallery...takes care of the resulting mess in a jiffy!
---As The Crow Flies!---
Maya

[dk_art]

" Hand Tool able to make rude gestures"

hehe

I recall reading of a programmer who slipped in a rude comment in a help pop-up in some obscure part of some program (probably obscure too). Apparently someone found it and he got rightfully fired. But anyway all reality aside;


1. transparency slider now affects program interface transparency.

2. small dachshund "help" dog which reads books when asked to find help ( I know this is stolen from the brilliant minds at microsoft from windowsXP but who can resist this obvious software evolution).

3. ketchup squeezer tool ... just sqeeze some vector colours onto your drawing

4. spatula tool .... easily flip objects on your drawing

5. egg beater tool .... mix up vector paint to create mixes .... select from : stirred, whipped or scrambled in the drop down box [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif[/img]

6. stickman tool .... converts any complex vector illustration into a corresponding simple stickman representation for those times when simple is better.

7. pop-up ad creation tool .... easily export convincing fake error and system message windows which are really ads which trick people into clicking them.

8. DOS-mode ..... for those who miss DOS-like interface , the screen goes black and just a c promt is shown .... allows easy input of commands and colours by typing long text commands which if messed up must be typed from the start again.

9. Lincoln log tool .... build vector shapes using lincoln log shapes [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif[/img]

10. Xara spyware utility .... intercepts all outgoing emails from your computer and inserts a link to www.xara.com . Similarily detects any mention of compeating companies in outgoing emails and deletes the references.

11 . Eyeball tool ... easily insert huge glossy eyeballs into XaraX drawings ... the slider allows easy adjustment of the amount of red veins included around the edge of the eyeball [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif[/img]


ok that's my contribution [img]/infopop/emoticons/icon_biggrin.gif[/img]

David K ... www.dkingdesign.com http://www.dkingdesign.com/stuff/signature.jpg