Firts animated storyboard

**jasonkay** · 26 June 2007, 12:05 PM

Hi to all friends,
I wanna post here my first storyboard realized only with my hand.
I'm not a professional illustrator because this is my "first time" but I wanna share with you my entry in a italian contest for a bank spot.

The story:
A boy want to "buy" a beautiful girl from a sultan in the desert.
The sultan want 100 camels for the girl but the boy doesn't have, so he take out from his bag the laptop and he send the money from the site of Fineco (an italian online bank).
The boy and the girl go away by car.
The claim is: "your account where and when you want"

The link:
http://www.zooppa.com/videos/detail?video=322

I ask you (if you want) to VOTE and COMMENTS my work.
Please it's important ... thank you very much.

See you later and sorry for my bad english
jk

**pauland** · 26 June 2007, 12:59 PM

I'm no expert in this, but liked the artwork, but I don't think it introduces the main theme well enough. From the beginning I have no idea why the man is making the journey. In my mind the storyboard doesn't reflect the story well enough - at the begiining there needs to be some kind of clue as to why the man is making the journey, or you need to build tension and mystery about the journey to keep us guessing.

The story seems to be set in contemporary times and in many ways is very distasteful. What is the message of this story?

**jasonkay** · 26 June 2007, 01:06 PM

The start concept is that with this bank you can have and manage your money when, where and how you want.
I think you say right, there's no much tension. This is a little bit difficult to express for my "hands"

... this is the first time that I make some illustration.
Thank you very much for your opinion

**pauland** · 26 June 2007, 02:35 PM

Originally Posted by jasonkay

The start concept is that with this bank you can have and manage your money when, where and how you want.

In that case this storyline is extremely distasteful - the idea of using online banking to buy a woman is very offensive.

**pauland** · 26 June 2007, 03:16 PM

I apologise for not reading your original post well enough. If this is a pitch to the bank, I would think you have no chance of success with a storyline such as this. If it were ever used there would be many, many complaints and protests (and deservedly so).

Is this concept yours?